Leslie Johnston [00:00:00]:
Hey, everybody. Welcome back. Morgan started talking to me about something, and I'm like, no, this is too good. We gotta keep this on the podcast.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:08]:
My ear is plugged today. It's a.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:10]:
Yes, you're right.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:11]:
Wednesday morning. It's. How many degrees is it. It's 86 degrees outside. It's a Wednesday afternoon. It's 86 degrees outside. My left ear is popped.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:20]:
See, here's the problem, you guys. Morgan's trying to explain that her ear is plugged, but she keeps saying, what's I plugged? She said I popped my ear, and now I can't get it to unpop to. To.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:31]:
What are you. What are you saying? What are you saying? Plugged for? What do you mean, plugged?
Leslie Johnston [00:00:35]:
Does it sound.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:36]:
It sounds like I'm in an aquarium on this side. On my left side. Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:39]:
Then what do you mean it popped?
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:40]:
Like, because you want your ear to pop. You pop? Yeah, I want it to unpop. No, I want it to. You want it to pop because it's.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:49]:
It's plugged right now.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:50]:
So it's plugged, and I want it to pop.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:52]:
You want it to pop. That's why people like, I need to pop my ears.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:55]:
Social language barrier. Sometimes.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:58]:
There is a language barrier.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:00]:
I don't know why. I feel like we're kind of in the same planet.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:03]:
I think. And then sometimes I say things, so.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:06]:
I think that's like a different country.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:07]:
They want it to be, though.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:08]:
They do. They're such prideful little suckers. I feel like I'm really far away from you today. We're so close the other day.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:14]:
I know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:15]:
Well, our.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:15]:
Our chairs were, like, literally touching.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:17]:
I know.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:17]:
Because our last episode was a.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:19]:
Was an interview with tv.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:21]:
So then. Yeah, Mark pulled them apart. But yours went really.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:24]:
I went really far. Okay. I was gonna start our. So we're. We're doing a summer. A summer series of 4.4ish. Three or four episodes.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:32]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:32]:
We're gonna keep these ones. We know that you got busy summers. Lives. That's fans and stuff. So we're gonna try to keep this one to around 30 minutes. And if we go over. Whatever.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:41]:
Who cares Which Maybe people are like, that's really long. We're like, no, no, we're only like an hour 20.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:45]:
Oh, yeah. We can talk. We can yap your ears. We can. Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:49]:
No shortage of yapping.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:50]:
No shortage of yaps. What's your unpopular opinion today?
Leslie Johnston [00:01:54]:
Okay. My unpopular opinion. This is not like I'm realizing we would have to have so many opinions.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:59]:
To have like an I'll popular opinion for every single episode we have.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:02]:
How many episodes? What, so far? Like, over 50.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:04]:
We're probably getting close to a hundred.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:06]:
Yeah. If we had a hundred unpopular opinions, we would need to chill.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:09]:
We would be the most extra people.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:11]:
Yes. Opinionated people.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:13]:
Yes. It would not be good. We're very high maintenance.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:15]:
Yes. Okay. I think if you're using now. No, I'll just say it. If you're using a makeup brush, you're gonna break out no matter what. You should be using a beauty blender to a full.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:27]:
Wait, what are you using?
Leslie Johnston [00:02:28]:
A beauty blender.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:29]:
What's a beauty blender? What is that? What?
Leslie Johnston [00:02:33]:
Like the sponges? The makeup sponge.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:35]:
You use the sponge.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:37]:
Which is so funny, because I would think that that's the opposite. I would think, like, a sponge is gonna, like, soak up all this bacteria and stuff. Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:45]:
It's gonna, like, cake it into your skin.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:47]:
Your skin. But trial and error, at least for me, if I use a brush, I tested this theory out because I was like, there's no way this sponge is going to keep my skin better. And I was using the sponge for a long time and honestly never broke out. Now I do wash it with soap at least, like, once or once a week. Once every other week. But if I use a brush, I test this out. The other week, I started using my brush face fully cleaned it within, like, two days. I was breaking out.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:14]:
Seriously?
Leslie Johnston [00:03:14]:
Yeah, it was like. It was like a nice brush. Yeah, it was a nice brush. Now, your skin doesn't fall into this category because you. God has blessed you with, like, alien skin. I think God knew.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:28]:
God knew. God's like, she can't do it. So I'm just gonna cut her brush. I'm gonna cut her a break.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:32]:
She can't do it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:33]:
That is counterintuitive because you would think the opposite. You would think a sponge would be, like, more bacteria, more spongy, more caked.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:41]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:41]:
My other thing is, I feel like sponges are pro. Harder to clean than brushes are.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:46]:
They're actually. No, they're so much easier because you could clean it with. Because you want your. You want your sponge to be wet when you apply your foundation on. You know that, right?
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:55]:
Who. Who decides all of this stuff and where are they putting this information? I think it's. I never heard this. Do you apply.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:03]:
Do you have a sponge?
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:04]:
No, I use brushes. I use brushes, and they're not wet when I apply stuff.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:07]:
Well, yeah, you should not wet your brush.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:09]:
Why would you wet a sponge before your foundation, it's just different.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:12]:
I got my first ever, like, makeup sponge a long time. I put, like, it was dry, and I put the foundation on it, and it was terrible. It just, like, patches to your skin. But if you soften the brush, you, like, run underwater, squeeze out the water. You maybe, like, take a quick towel over it and soak up, like, if it's soaking what you don't want soaking wet. But then you put your, like, liquid foundation or whatever you're doing on it, and it evenly goes around your skin. It's for that, like, dewy look.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:40]:
But who taught you that? You just make it up. Like, this is my own method.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:45]:
No, I didn't make it up. I. I think I saw it online.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:47]:
You're telling me you wash those sponges once a week or once every other week? You're telling me that you actually wash those sponges once a week?
Leslie Johnston [00:04:53]:
Every other week? Here's why. It's easy, though. A makeup brush. Never washed it because I was like, soap and water.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:58]:
Leslie, you wash one of those sponges every other week with soap and water.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:03]:
With makeup sponge, and you dry it off.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:06]:
What? Makeup sponge, soap?
Leslie Johnston [00:05:09]:
Regular soap.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:11]:
What kind of. What's.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:11]:
What's this? I don't know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:13]:
And it's called makeup sponge.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:14]:
Clean makeup sponge soap.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:16]:
Oh, my gosh.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:17]:
Do you wash your makeup?
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:19]:
No, because I don't. I don't. I. Let me say this, okay? I don't wash them, but I also will get new ones somewhat regularly.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:29]:
Okay. Because when they start to get all.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:31]:
When they start to get, like, gross and cakey.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:32]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:33]:
Which maybe if I wash them, I wouldn't have to get new ones so much. But I do get new ones.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:37]:
Maybe you're on something. Maybe your skin's so good is because you use a cakey.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:44]:
But yours. Probably what you're making it sound like is that yours. Your method blends much easier than mine probably does, so I need to try this.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:50]:
I actually like the application. There's no way these episodes are gonna be 30 minutes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:56]:
We say that, but there's a lot they might be. You don't know.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:59]:
I would rather use a brush. Way easier. Don't have to, like, wash the sponge and go.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:04]:
Because I would imagine the sponge used to keep going back for more, too.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:07]:
It does soak up more product, so it sucks, but it keeps my skin clear.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:13]:
But your product's running out faster. Probably.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:15]:
Probably. But yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:19]:
Foundation, I put, like. And then I use my brush, and.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:21]:
I go, I'm impressed you do that. On your hand. That's like kind of like a makeup. I didn't know it's like a makeup girl technique.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:27]:
I don't know who said that. Yeah, I did that too. Right here. Right here.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:31]:
Which actually like if you look at the two hands because I put that on there and then I slip like scrub it with soap. This hand is like so much drier than that one.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:38]:
I don't even scrub it off. I just let it sit for the day. My, my little makeup spot right here.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:43]:
It doesn't like get on your clothes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:44]:
No, but I. No, but I probably wash my hands quickly after that. Like I'm not like the whole day. I'm not like that.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:49]:
I don't think sometimes I'll forget and I'll like see a little nice smooth spot on my.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:53]:
Well now I've just learned something. Now I need to go get some. Some makeup sponge. Sponges.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:58]:
But I only use the Beauty Blender.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:00]:
Beauty Blender brand.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:02]:
That's Sephora Beauty Soft. Sometimes like the target ones, they're like, they're very thick.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:06]:
Which doesn't make you want. Cuz it doesn't.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:09]:
It's like well, you need to wet them.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:11]:
But yes, now I know. I didn't realize you had to wet them first. That probably make. That makes a ton of sense. Cuz the other ones were dry and stiff.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:18]:
Dry and crusty. Yeah. Wow. Wow. You learned something new every day.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:22]:
What are we talking about today?
Leslie Johnston [00:07:24]:
Today we're going to talk about for.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:26]:
Your summer listening pleasure for our first.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:28]:
Of our summer episodes. Even though it's been summer long summer. But we're going to talk about signs that you're in a situationship.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:38]:
This is good. Relational ambiguity.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:40]:
Relational ambiguity. Situations, you don't know what it is.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:45]:
They're not defining it, you're not defining it. So you're in this like weird grain area.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:51]:
Weird friends to not quite dating. But you're like definitely a little more than friends. Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:57]:
And yeah, I have. Well I was gonna ask.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:02]:
I'll ask you first. Have you ever been in one?
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:05]:
Yeah, for sure. For sure. And. And they never end well in my experience. In my experience things that are not defined are not really super great for me. Yeah, I. I'm like a definition person. I think like I need it to be defined in order to.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:22]:
And a lot of these actually this is funny. I don't know what it is about summertime, but a lot of these situationships occurred over the summertime really. I think it was like less structure of schedule, less like social. Social gatherings. And things that were, like, regularly planned.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:42]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:42]:
And everything kind of just, like, became very gray, I feel like. And there were, like, different situationships that popped up, and they all sort of fizzled by the time that summer was out, but summer was. Was done. Summer fling, like, little summer flings.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:56]:
A summer situationship.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:57]:
You know what made this popular probably, is Greece a summer situationship that, like.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:03]:
Because. Okay, so at least like the.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:04]:
The movie.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:05]:
Oh.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:05]:
Because that's the whole premise of their story is, like, they meet on this summer vacation, and then they, like, have this, like, summer love fling. But then, like, they're like, never see each other again, they think. And then they end up at school together, and then.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:18]:
I don't think I've ever seen Greece. I think I've maybe been to, like, a play that was doing Greece.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:23]:
No, you need to see the movie.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:25]:
Yeah, I watch. I'll watch the movie.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:27]:
You need to watch the movie. Have you ever had a situationship?
Leslie Johnston [00:09:30]:
Oh, yeah, sure.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:31]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:32]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:33]:
Probably a lot of it go for you.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:35]:
Not well.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:37]:
Why?
Leslie Johnston [00:09:40]:
I think. Well, I feel like there's two types of situationships. There's a situationship where you're going from friends to maybe dating, and you're in that realm that's like your classic one. And then I feel like there's the situationships when you've dated someone and you break up and you're, like, weirdly getting back together, but you're not.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:58]:
Yeah. Yeah. You're half in, half out, which.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:00]:
That's probably, like, a little bit of a different one.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:01]:
That's a different kind of. We should talk about both of those. The first one, though, which is. Which is like, you're. You haven't defined whether you're doing this or you're not doing this.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:09]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:10]:
What.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:10]:
What?
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:11]:
Do you see any possible benefit to a situationship? Like, is there any. Is there any reason why that way would. Would work out?
Leslie Johnston [00:10:22]:
I mean, here's the thing. If it never goes into the relationship portion, then I don't really think it's healthy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:28]:
Right.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:29]:
Like, I. Not. Not unhealthy. I guess I'm just saying, like, if it ends, it's probably not. It probably wasn't the best thing. But maybe if you're the type of person who jumps, like, too quickly into things.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:44]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:45]:
Maybe a little situationship time would be good for you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:47]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:48]:
You know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:48]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:48]:
Or like, if you're an early adopter of someone and you're like, this person is my spouse.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:54]:
This is good, actually.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:56]:
Or maybe you're like, my attraction is so instant that like, this is the one. But it's probably based off looks and maybe like a little spark.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:05]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:06]:
And that isn't actually what clarifies for like the person you want to marry. But I would say for those types of people, maybe a little situationship isn't bad.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:14]:
Okay, that's a hot take because I.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:17]:
That's an unpopular opinion.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:18]:
That is kind of an unpopular. But I actually agree with you. I think that early adopters, that's what you call.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:24]:
You're an early adopter.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:26]:
If you're already down the aisle with this person putting their last name with your last name and you just met, you're an early adopter.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:32]:
If you started a Pinterest board of a wedding with this person, you're an early adopt.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:36]:
And we love that. But it's. You're an early adopter and that's not always a good thing. Like, not all early adopters. Early adopters tend to get their feelings hurt real bad.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:45]:
Huh.
Morgan May Treuil [00:11:46]:
There's really no way around that. Now, I would say I actually agree with you in the sense that I think that it's important for people who are early adopters to take it slow, to ease in and maybe a situationship in the sense that you're not sure what it is and you're giving it time to develop into something is not a bad thing. Because in my opinion, that is you saying, hey, I'm not going to put the cart before the horse. I'm not going to rush into something. I'm not going to try to make something into something that it's not too early. I think the ground rules for that are, though, if it's a situationship where you are waiting and seeing what it becomes, then it needs to be with like the godly wisdom piece of it intact. It needs to be the kind of situationship where you are like friends who occasionally are going on dates and you're getting to know each other. It's not like a, yeah, we like make out on the side and we like spend all of our time together, but no one has sat down to.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:49]:
Like clearly define the relationship.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:51]:
Yes. That's like the bad situation version that we are saying. Relationship, that's never good.
Leslie Johnston [00:12:56]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:12:57]:
But if you're in like that phase where you're like, I'm not really sure what we are yet. Now, I don't think it should last a very long time because eventually one person catches feelings, both people catch feelings. And I don't think ambiguity is ever like super great long term. But if you're in this phase where you're like, yeah, nothing is. We haven't progressed anything too far. We're just getting to know each other. We've taken a special interest in each other. We talk more often than other people do, but we haven't fully decided if we are, if we aren't.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:25]:
I don't think that's necessarily bad. In fact, for some people, it's a good thing to slow it down.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:29]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:30]:
Some people need to slow it down.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:31]:
You know who's the originator of situationships?
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:33]:
Who?
Leslie Johnston [00:13:34]:
Our parents. Did your parents? My parents. Not that they started situationships, but when I was in high school and even into college, they were always like, hey, just be. Just be friends first. Like, just like, don't, don't jump in. Like, don't define it so early. Like, let it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:51]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:51]:
Which actually, there is some wisdom in that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:13:53]:
Yep.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:54]:
They were so big. Like, I'd have my first, like, high school boyfriend. They called him my friend for probably, like the first two years of us dating.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:02]:
You're right. They are the situation.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:05]:
I'm like, this is my boyfriend for two years. They were the queens and kings of situations.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:11]:
So funny.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:12]:
But yeah, I think if you are, there's the healthy way and then there's the unhealthy way. Situationship. And I think that's which. This might be a hot take. I don't think you should be kissing someone that you are not, like, exclusively dating.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:28]:
100%. And I'm saying that as like, my husband and I, we did kiss before we were exclusively dating.
Leslie Johnston [00:14:35]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:14:36]:
And I'm not saying I regret that because we're past that now. It's sent into the Future. But I 100% agree that that officially crosses into a boundary of commitment that now you'. Again, it's. We talked about this in a different episode, but it's like you're taking commitment and you're making it casual by saying that. There are certain things that I was going to say for this part of our relationship, but I'm impatient, so now I'm going to do them for this part of our relationship. It's really like if you're in a relation, if, if you're, if you're curious, like, trying to define yourself. Am I.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:09]:
Am I in a situationship? Am I not in a situationship? A really easy way to tell is, are you being physical with somebody in any way? Like, I would even say, like, hand holding, snuggling.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:22]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:22]:
Kissing. Any of that kind of stuff. Cuddling. If you are being physically intimate with somebody where you have not had a conversation about whether or not you have feelings for each other or whether or not you are exclusively dating. You are in what's called the bad situationship.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:38]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:38]:
In which it's actually you. You think it's moving slow. It's not moving slow. It's actually moving really fast and you've lost control of it.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:47]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:15:47]:
Because it's not defined. It has no make, it has no model. It's like you are. You're kind of. I don't know, I. I think you're in. You're in dangerous territory at that point of there's really no way for feelings to be kept. And then on the, like, the holiness side of it, you've now crossed into some dangerous territory of like, okay, commitment has now become a casual thing for me.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:07]:
Him and I, or her and I have not talked about boundaries. Bless you, you're allergic to this podcast. You haven't talked about boundaries, which means that you probably also haven't about a bunch of other stuff that should be talked about before physical intimacy is added in.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:24]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:24]:
So if you're in a. If you're in a situation where nothing's been clearly defined and you are being physical, y. You need to back out of that. Or you need to press on and say, hey, we. We got our wires crossed and we started wrong. We got to fix something, cuz this isn't right for me.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:41]:
Which again, like you said, it doesn't make either of you like a bad person if that happens. Like that happened with you and Benji. That happened with me and my boyfriend. Like we now, it was like, very close to that timeline. But yeah, sometimes it is like you're caught up in the moment. You have your first kiss, and then. But if that happens and then there's kind of not anything followed up later.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:04]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:04]:
From that guy. Or if you're a guy, from that girl. Or maybe if you're the guy, maybe you should initiate that conversation. But I think if there's nothing from either side, you are in enemy territory.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:17]:
Enemy territory. Why do you think we do that?
Leslie Johnston [00:17:20]:
Yeah, that's a great question.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:21]:
Because I would say.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:23]:
Yeah. What would you say for you?
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:24]:
Well, I don't know. I mean, before. Before I was dating, I would have been scared to do all of that stuff without clearly defining something. You know, like I want to say, the first time that I ever had a boyfriend, it was like everything was clearly defined before we. And when I say clearly defined, it was like, I like you, you like me at first, you just start Talking like you're having conversations about your feelings for each other.
Leslie Johnston [00:17:49]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:17:50]:
Then you make it official, like, hey, we're officially exclusively dating each other. And then there are things that come after that, like going on dates and holding hands and if you decide to kiss and those kinds of things. And then I don't remember when I started to not feel like it needed all of that up front, but the few times where there was a situationship, I almost feel like this is gross and it's, it's honest. But like I almost like there's part of our, Part of our. Part of our whatever that's like a little impatient for God to move. And so you kind of are cool with the distractions. Like I'm. I'm cool with like a distraction.
Leslie Johnston [00:18:28]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:28]:
If I can, like, if I'm gonna. I'll do this to pass the time until this comes. Right. And yeah, like maybe you're a little bit bored. A little bored maybe. Or like you know that someone. This is, this is even like another not great thing. But I, I know people and have witnessed relationships form that are not exclusive relationships.
Morgan May Treuil [00:18:49]:
They're undefined, unclear. And the reason why they're participating in them is because there is attraction. They like them, but they actually don't see a future with them. So they're kind of like waiting for their actual future person. But they're like spending time over here, like trying to like waited out, but with company.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:06]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:07]:
So I think the root of it is loneliness. It's like a loneliness thing. And we're scared, we're impatient to wait for actual real commitment that has boundaries and guardrails.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:17]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:17]:
So sometimes we get mixed up. It's like the whole thing of you're going to be attracted to lots of people. So if you wanted to spend your whole life, you know, kind of being with a bunch of different people, you could do that because they're all right there and you're not short of attraction. But I do think sometimes we wind up in those little situationships because we're impatient or we are passing the time or whatever. I don't know.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:42]:
Yeah. Or even in deeper step. It's like you feel either like I'm lonely like you said, and I want, like I will take what I can get.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:54]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:54]:
Like this is better than being alone.
Morgan May Treuil [00:19:56]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:19:57]:
I think a lot of people get into situationships and they stay in them because they go, oh, the other option is too scary. Like I either have to start over with someone else. Even though a situationship you don't. I Mean, it's not much into it, but it's like, either I'm starting over, I'm afraid to be alone, or this is. Or maybe even in a worse way, maybe it's like, oh, I don't actually feel like anyone's truly going to really love me, so at least I can take what I can get from this. And that's so not true. No matter who you are, it's just.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:30]:
It's sad. It's not sad that you're. I understand the heart behind that. It's just sad because it's like, gosh, like, that. That's such a low view of self. You have such a low view of self if that's your thought process, like, you don't realize how awesome you are or the. The great thing that God has for you. I don't know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:51]:
That makes me sad.
Leslie Johnston [00:20:52]:
Yeah, I think we do stay in those types of things because it's like, well, at least I get a part of my heart filled a little bit because I'm having a piece of somebody. But you're like, that can do way more harm than good in the long run. We think it's nothing. Cause we're like, oh, it's just a little situationship. It's not a big deal. But I think, number one, that creates then a barrier between you and anybody else you might meet. Like, you might actually meet somebody who would, you know, go the distance and be great for you, but you're kind of like, caught up with this situation.
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:31]:
Oh, yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:21:31]:
I remember my mom saying that to me all the time. Like, if I was kind of talking to a guy, but like, either he, like, wasn't really a strong Christian, or he was just kind of like, this was not gonna be my husband. It was like, obvious. But it was fun because I, like, liked him or I was attracted to him. And my mom would always tell me, she's like, you have to be available for the right guy to come along. She goes, if you're caught up in something, the right guy is going to be like, ooh, I don't want to be involved in that. Or, oh, she's taken, or whatever.
Morgan May Treuil [00:21:58]:
Or you might not be able to see it. That's the thing. Like, yeah, we act like, oh, I can, I can.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:04]:
It's not a big deal.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:04]:
I'm over here. But I'm still have my eyes open to look for what. What options I have out there. But that's not really how the human brain works. Like, you can't have feelings for somebody. I mean, I Guess you can, you can have feelings for somebody and you can also be on the lookout, which is how lots of people get in trouble.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:20]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:20]:
But then on the flip side, I think having feelings for somebody also doesn't open your eyes fully to what is out there. You said something really smart. You were like you said, settling for a partial fulfillment versus a full fulfillment. And that maybe brands, I think an entire, I don't know, like a whole issue that we don't, we don't talk about a ton in the Christian church. The idea that lots of people out there when it comes to relationships or maybe even their purpose, their careers, their life, they're settling for a partial fulfillment versus a full fulfillment.
Leslie Johnston [00:22:54]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:22:54]:
And I think that that's probably the root of the situationship problem. But it's also why people settle for partners that aren't the best for them. It's why people settle for jobs that are kind of like they're not mediocre.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:09]:
Jobs, but they're not like living into.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:11]:
Their actual, into their actual purpose or their calling. Cuz it's like so true. You're. It's this, it's the scared to wait. Yeah, I'm scared to wait. And I found part of what fulfills me. So I'm going to grab hold of and white knuckle the partial fulfillment.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:24]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:23:25]:
But I'm too, I'm too chicken to wait for the full fulfillment because what if the full fulfillment never comes? But I gave up the partial.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:33]:
I know that's something that we've talked about. I feel like we've lightly touched on it a little bit on the podcast. But kind of that topic of you actually now, I don't think if you are a Christian and you like trust and believe in God. I think that Amy always talked about like the boat keeps coming, like opportunities and all that. So you don't need to be like, oh, I totally blew it with my life. I think there's always, God's always got this like backdoor thing where he's like, hey, I can work everything out for good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:03]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:04]:
But I do think maybe there's kind of like option A, option B, option C. And God's like, hey, I'm presenting you these options. You have control over your life, like in the way of you get to make decisions and you have free will. So if you wanna stay, let's do the situationship for an example. If you wanna stay with this, where it's a partial love, you know, this person is never gonna like fully commit to you or even if they do. It's never gonna be like, what you thought it might be. You're settling then. I think the scary part about life, even life with God, is that you can choose that option and you do miss out on what could have happened.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:47]:
And not that God can't work that out later, but sometimes we do need to realize we think, oh, no harm, no foul. I'm in a situationship, whatever. But you just have no idea what you might miss out on if you let yourself settle.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:02]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:03]:
So I don't know. That's kind of. That topic has been on my mind with all things.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:07]:
That's work. Sobering. Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:09]:
Everything. So, yeah, I think if you're in a situationship now. Okay, so what if the guy's like, hey, he's a great guy. This is not, like a terrible guy. We're not even, like, you know, we haven't pushed physical boundaries too far. He's just not bringing it up. Should, like, say, should the girl bring it up? Or, like, what do you. What do you do in that scenario? I don't want to be the one that you're like, oh, I don't want to lead.
Leslie Johnston [00:25:31]:
But I also don't. But I also want clarity.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:34]:
I maybe have, like, a different take on the whole, like, guy, girl, leading roles. I know that traditionally the male is supposed to lead, and I understand the biblical significance, too, of the male is the head of the household, Christ is the head of the church. So there is a biblical model at play here in which godly men are strong men that have leadership qualities and they are able to lead their families. So I think that that is a quality that you have to look for if you're a girl and you're looking for a guy, or if you're a guy listening who is just trying to figure out who you're supposed to be. It's a biblical quality that we are supposed to be looking for in you. So that needs to be developed and cultivated. I don't know that it always looks the same for every single guy. And people also pace differently, too.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:22]:
So, like, one thing I think is interesting is the girl usually is the first one to be like, okay, well, I feel this way. But they're not really bringing it up. And I don't know what to do with that because that makes me wonder, is he a strong leader? Is he a spiritual leader? Can I trust him in this way? And that could mean that maybe he isn't a strong spiritual leader and he's, you know, maybe just settled into ambiguity, and that's not great. It also could mean that he hasn't decided how he feels yet.
Leslie Johnston [00:26:49]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:50]:
And so he's waiting to decide how he feels before he decides to fully lead. So I don't necessarily think that if he's not bringing it up yet, and there's been no crossing of physical boundary lines, I don't think that means he's not a good leader or that he's not someone who's a great guy yet. And I don't think that the girl I don't think that the girl can't bring it up. Like, I think if the girl has the feelings first, it's not a bad thing to initiate and say, hey, I feel this way. What do you feel about this? Do you have those same feelings? I would just say that as you ease into the relationship, you do need to be watching for, like. But do I feel like he is an initiator at certain points? Do I feel like he is a leader and there are times where you both get to lead? Like, it's not just a him thing. So that's a good question because I. I think I was quick to make a lot of judgments about people based off of their timing.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:46]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:46]:
But their timing delay didn't always mean what I thought it what I thought it meant.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:51]:
And we're so quick to. Now, obviously Morgan and I have made a pretty hard stance of, like, situationships most of the time aren't good. But I would say that I have been in relationships before where the guy. Where the guy was really quick and he was the one initiating and, like, pushing even. I wasn't even ready yet, but I was like, okay, sure, let's start a relationship. And then I've been on the side of, oh, I'm kind of wondering, like, are they even really that interested? Because they're not saying anything. We're kind of going along. I'm waiting for this to start.
Leslie Johnston [00:28:25]:
But there's also a lot more. Like, sometimes we just are so quick to assume, like, oh, it's me. They don't like me. Like, something's wrong with me. Like, that's why they don't like me.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:33]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:28:34]:
That's why they're not pushing this along. Where sometimes we do need to look before we make a judgment about ourself, we need to look at their situation. Like, at least when I started dating Michael, we. He was slow. I would say he was slower than I was at the beginning. Like, I was ready to be like, yeah, let's start dating and let's do this. And he was a little bit more like, just I felt the slowness. And at first I was like, oh, no, it's me.
Leslie Johnston [00:28:57]:
He doesn't like me. And then I look back now, now that we've talked about it, he's like, I had just moved here. I was trying to figure out if I was actually staying or leaving. I had plans to move somewhere else. So sometimes there's stuff under the surface that we don't know about that it actually has nothing to do with you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:14]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:15]:
So on the one hand, maybe a little patience of, like, I'm gonna let this person figure it out a little bit with knowing that boundaries are being held and all of that. But then I think there's the side of, okay. When you know in your heart that this is just dragging its feet. Like, there's no, there's not clarity, and it's not kind. Clarity is kindness. I think you can say something, because I was literally telling Morgan this quote that I saw earlier, and it was like, you're not asking for too much. You're just asking the wrong person.
Morgan May Treuil [00:29:49]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:49]:
Like, if you're asking that person to give you clarity and they're either unwilling to, or they're willing to lose you by not giving you clarity, that's just. Just not the right person.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:01]:
Not the right person or it's not.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:02]:
The right person for this season.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:03]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:04]:
You know, 100.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:06]:
So, yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:06]:
Yeah. Clarity is kindness.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:08]:
Clarity is kindness. I, I, I'll take another somewhat strong stance just because I feel like there are probably people who, who are listening to this that could use this. I don't think that you're strong enough to protect yourself from the hurt that comes from a very casual situationship.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:27]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:27]:
If you're in it and you're like, yeah, I know this is kind of unhealthy for me. I don't see it going anywhere. But I'm strong enough. I can compartmentalize, and once it's done, I can move on and move forward. Famous last words. Because I don't, I genuinely don't think that people are wired that way. I don't think you're wired to do relationships without commitment. I think there's too much of ourselves that get involved in those relationships to be able to, you know, quit cold turkey and move on to something else.
Morgan May Treuil [00:30:57]:
So I would just say as a protective measure, if you think you're strong enough to, you know, I can do a summer fling, or I can do a spring fling, or I can do a. I don't know if they do fall fling. So I could. I can do a little fling and then move forward. You actually can't. It's not how you're wired. It's not how the human psyche works. Like, there's.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:16]:
There is so much more attachment involved than even you're aware of on the surface. There's so much going on underneath.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:22]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:23]:
One more question I have for you and we can wrap up after that because we did talk about a different kind of situationship, and that's the one that's on the back end of a relationship where you got out but you're not really out.
Leslie Johnston [00:31:34]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:34]:
What would you say? Because I think we've all. I think almost maybe every relationship, I don't know, many relationships that ended healthy, quit cold turkey. We never spoke again. There was never any gray area. I think all have that. Especially if they're like younger, more immature relationships have that little, like, around too. Did I make a mistake? Was that the right call?
Leslie Johnston [00:31:58]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:31:59]:
I don't. And the hard part with that question is that there are people who broke up, got back together, and got married for sure. So you can't necessarily say, oh, that's like it's wrong to re question it after you end it. Yeah. But I don't know what good guidelines would be for people that are maybe navigating that kind of situationship.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:20]:
I would say we also.
Morgan May Treuil [00:32:22]:
The other danger with that too, this kind of situationship is that you've been in commitment before.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:28]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:32:29]:
So it's unlikely that you are removing all of those aspects to your relationship that you had when you were in commitment.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:37]:
Yes. It's likely that you can.
Morgan May Treuil [00:32:40]:
You've officially taken off the label of something while keeping it the same thing.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:46]:
Oh, yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:32:47]:
That's very, very dangerous on your heart and your body. Anyways.
Leslie Johnston [00:32:52]:
I would say I've been in like two situations like that. And I would say, first of all, I felt like I was going into that not with like a sober view. I was going into that with like a hurt kind of lonely and like in my post breakup, like, mourning phase. Post breakup. I think you need some friends around you who won't let you do anything stupid.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:19]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:19]:
Because when you're in like a mourning phase of a relationship, you want so badly to get out of whatever it is that you're living in. So you're like, whether that's maybe a new person. Like, that's why people rebound so much. It's like, whatever to get me out of this feeling I will do.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:33]:
Yep.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:33]:
So especially when it goes, it seems like the most instant Fix like, well, it's okay. Like, I can just go back to what I had, and then therefore, I'm not in the hard part anymore. Like, I can just go back.
Morgan May Treuil [00:33:44]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:33:45]:
And it'll snap. Like, everything's back to normal, and it just does not happen that way. Like, unless you had a breakup where you're like, oh, yeah, we took a tiny break and now we're back together, and it's great. I'm talking, like, either they broke up with you and now you want them back. I also think Hindsight is not 2020. Like, you look back on a relationship, you remember only the good things. The minute you break up with someone, you're like, oh, no, they were the perfect guy, and these were all the qualities they had that were perfect and everything was perfect and I'm the idiot. No, most of the time, it's not that way.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:17]:
That's just how you view it. So I think getting back into a. Getting into a situationship after a relationship, you have to be like, well, you just shouldn't do it. Honestly, give yourself some time. Especially if, you know, you're in a hard spot and you're in a lonely spot. That is so not good. And if they. They better be coming back to you with.
Leslie Johnston [00:34:41]:
Especially if they broke up with you. If they broke up with you and then they're kind of putting their foot in the door, if they're not running through the door with a list of all the ways that you're gonna get back together and what your life is gonna look like when you're getting married. All of that. Say no. Is my point of view from experience. 100% is because I thought we were getting back together.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:00]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:01]:
In certain times. And I was rudely mistaken. Not rudely. Rudely awakened, maybe when I was like.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:07]:
Oh, shoot, didn't feel good.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:09]:
They're not getting back together with me.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:11]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:12]:
And it hurts, but it's true. And I had to go. I remember one in particular. I had to be like, this is done. Because I can tell that you're not actually getting back together with me to, like, take this long term. I think you miss me. I miss you. We're kind of weirdly back together, but you actually don't see our futures going forward.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:32]:
You're just avoiding the hurt that comes afterwards.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:35]:
I am too. Let's just cut this off now. I'm done. And cut off all communication. And that was so. I'm so thankful that I had that random, like, strength to do that, because that was so hard.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:49]:
That's very Hard.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:51]:
You can get dragged along and then the hurt's ten times worse.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:54]:
And.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:55]:
And it just leads to so many bad things.
Morgan May Treuil [00:35:57]:
So that's so good.
Leslie Johnston [00:35:58]:
I would say, unless they are coming to you with a marriage proposal and basically, like, hey, here's the steps that we're gonna take to, like, repair our relationship.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:08]:
Yeah. Or here's the work that I've done.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:10]:
No.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:11]:
Yeah. Oh, I. Yeah. You also have to remember, like, you. You pointed this out. I think this is really good. You have a certain level of momentum to get to the point of a breakup. Like, you have a certain drive and a will and a purpose about you that gets you to the.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:29]:
Because it's hard to break up.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:30]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:31]:
So to the. To. To. To get to the point where you're both breaking up or one of you is breaking up, capitalize on that energy.
Leslie Johnston [00:36:37]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:36:38]:
Because you're never going to have, like, hindsight's not 20 20, so in a week, you're not going to have the same drive towards breaking up that you did a week ago. So you have to, like, I would say, take full advantage of the energy that went into the breakup and make it a split and don't go. No contact for a while. I don't know that there's a lot of health or helpfulness in maintaining some sort of communication. I'm not saying you never talk again, but I'm saying, like, all the stories that I have heard of successful breakups and back togethers were stories where there was actually a significant amount of distance put into play. And there was time and there was work that was done. And then afterwards, it was like, I'm coming through the doors with the flowers in the rain. This is what I'm doing.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:28]:
This is what we're doing. Marriage proposal kind of thing. Because at that point, it's like, you should have certainty. The space should have given you certainty. It shouldn't have created more confusion. With no space, I don't think you have any certainty. You're like, why did we break up? But we're still not. Like, I just.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:44]:
I don't think any. Any breakups should result in. Yeah, we broke up. There's no labels. So now we're just sort of like in the in between.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:52]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:52]:
That's not a breakup. It doesn't help you. It's not holy. It's like, none of that works. It never does.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:58]:
Moral of the story, I guess.
Morgan May Treuil [00:37:59]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:00]:
Situationships just don't end.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:03]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:03]:
They typically. Some can work if you have good boundaries around it. And it might actually Be a good thing, but then some. You're like, oh, I know at some point we need clarity. And if you're not getting the clarity, it's okay. It's not about you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:17]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:18]:
Like it can be about anything.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:19]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:19]:
And you're just.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:21]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:22]:
I guess, asking the wrong person.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:23]:
Yeah. I think we decided that they're only okay if they're on the front end of a relationship and they're in place. Because you're both moving slow towards something.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:33]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:33]:
Not because you're moving fast into a relationship that has no definition or boundaries. Like, that's the only time that it's. That it's helpful for you.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:43]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:38:44]:
Any other time relationship without making commitment. Casual is not. It's not helpful for you. And it doesn't. And that works. Whether it's like on the front end of a relationship where you're making it casual, or if it's on the back end where you've removed the label but you're just kind of like living in the in between, none of that works. None of it's helpful. So the moral of the story, and this is like the hard part, where the hard part comes in is pretend.
Morgan May Treuil [00:39:10]:
Like if you're listening to this and you feel like, ah, this struck a chord because I'm in a situationship that I know is not good for me. I've known it's not good for me for a long time. But this conversation confirmed all of that. I would say take the motivation from this girl talk or guy girl talk that you just have with us and go channel that towards like an action step decision and stick with it. And the reality is, I think when you give up something because you don't think it's God's best, those decisions, I believe, are always honored, even if you don't make the exact right decision. Like the friends who have broken up with somebody and got back together with them, it's like they gave something up and then God gave it back in his timing and in his way. I don't think it was a bad thing for them to do the breakup and. But God still gave it back.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:03]:
And then the ones where like you broke up and you're right, it wasn't God's best, you gave it up to God, then God gave you something that was better. So if you're making a decision towards something where you're like, I'm going to end this because I don't think that it's God's best for me and I want to wait for what God's best for me is God always honors that surrender. You breaking up with them is not going to ruin your life. It's not going to ruin theirs. It's not going to ruin what you have. If God has something there, he will bring it about eventually. So maybe take some motivation from this conversation and go make a decision. Don't get stuck in the in between, because that's what a situationship is.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:40]:
Yes. Wow. And if you're in a situation, you're like, I'm not sure if I'm in1. Just DM us on Instagram and we'll tell you.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:46]:
We won't expose you, but we will tell you.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:48]:
We won't expose you, but we will help you out.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:50]:
Check yes or no. Yes. You're in one. No. You're not. Exactly. No.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:54]:
Oh.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:55]:
And I hope all this came across from people who have not done well at this in certain.
Leslie Johnston [00:40:59]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:00]:
Phases. So it's like trial by error. Not like we're sitting up here because we've never. That's like the opposite of this podcast.
Leslie Johnston [00:41:08]:
Yeah. Thankfully, I don't think anyone thinks.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:10]:
No one thinks that. No one thinks that. Okay. Well, thanks for joining us. This week on Am I Doing this Right? Happy summer. We hope you're having fun in the sun. And we will see you guys next week on Am I Doing this right?
Leslie Johnston [00:41:21]:
Bye.
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:22]:
Bye.