Christy Speers [00:00:00]:
Hey, everybody.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:01]:
Welcome back. I feel like Morgan and I were, like, both going for it.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:05]:
I never know.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:06]:
I never, never know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:08]:
Welcome back. Welcome back to Am I Doing this Right?
Leslie Johnston [00:00:10]:
That's right.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:11]:
Your favorite. Your favorite podcasters on the Internet, Leslie, Christy, and Morgan, the favorite trio.
Christy Speers [00:00:18]:
Favorite trio.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:19]:
Favorite trio.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:21]:
Yes. With our favorite guests.
Christy Speers [00:00:22]:
Good to be here.
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:24]:
It's like, our favorite guest.
Christy Speers [00:00:25]:
What would you call that?
Leslie Johnston [00:00:26]:
It's like, if you have, like, a co host. It's two. Is it like a try host?
Christy Speers [00:00:30]:
If it's three?
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:32]:
Yeah. She's doing a residency on the Am I doing this Right? Podcast. It's like when. When artists will, like, stay at Stay in Vegas because they're doing, like, a residency, they're performing. That's Christy on this podcast.
Christy Speers [00:00:46]:
Am I Celine Dion?
Morgan May Treuil [00:00:47]:
Yeah, you are. You're Celine Dion. Exactly.
Leslie Johnston [00:00:50]:
Do you guys feel like people now? I don't, like, go to Vegas. I was gonna say often, but I really, like, never. I've only been once. But do you guys feel like for.
Christy Speers [00:01:00]:
Our 21st birthday with our parents.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:02]:
Yes, it was.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:03]:
That is actually so fun.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:05]:
It was so.
Christy Speers [00:01:05]:
It was the best way to spend our 21st, honestly.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:07]:
Yeah, it was great.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:08]:
With your parents. Yeah.
Christy Speers [00:01:09]:
Legit.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:10]:
With money in your hands. That's amazing. Did they do that? Did they give you gambling money?
Leslie Johnston [00:01:15]:
We did do some slots, but, like, that's basically it.
Christy Speers [00:01:18]:
I don't remember that.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:19]:
We did more, like, the shows and the restaurants.
Christy Speers [00:01:22]:
We barely remember.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:23]:
I barely is all not in that.
Christy Speers [00:01:26]:
Because now we're 34 years old.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:29]:
Exactly. It was so long ago. I. I feel like, okay, this can be an unpopular opinion. And I actually don't know if it's true because I'm not really, like, a.
Christy Speers [00:01:38]:
Vegas person goes to Vegas once and has an unpopular opinion about it.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:43]:
Okay. My unpopular opinion is that if you go to. If you could do a residency in Vegas, that's kind of the end of your career. Like, I feel like you. That's where, like, careers go to die.
Christy Speers [00:01:54]:
Yeah. 100.
Morgan May Treuil [00:01:55]:
I feel like that's probably true.
Leslie Johnston [00:01:57]:
Like, you guys even know that's just, like, available to go to Vegas for.
Christy Speers [00:02:01]:
Like, it's like, people that are available months. It's like people that are available for the Super Bowl. It's like, you're kind of lame. Like, you're kind of on the. Oh, you're kind of, like, teetered over.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:10]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:10]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:11]:
Like, why is the schedule so free?
Christy Speers [00:02:12]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:13]:
Like.
Christy Speers [00:02:13]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:13]:
Why are you so available?
Christy Speers [00:02:14]:
Yeah, it's like, during the Rose Parade. Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:17]:
Not in the sphere. The sphere is Like a. Like a whole different thing. I'm saying, I think. Yeah.
Christy Speers [00:02:21]:
If you're.
Leslie Johnston [00:02:21]:
If your residency is in Vegas, I also can't think of anything worse than being stuck in Vegas for that long.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:28]:
Yeah, that's. Can you imagine living in actual Las Vegas?
Leslie Johnston [00:02:32]:
No, I don't know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:33]:
What. There's a really good. Sorry, this is also off topic. There's a really, really good breakfast place. It's like a Jewish bagel slash deli spot. It's called Bagel Mania. It's in Vegas.
Christy Speers [00:02:45]:
That sounds so good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:02:47]:
The best bagels, the best French toast I've ever had in my life. And this will tell you how good it is. We're sitting at Bagel Mania one morning in Las Vegas, and we look over and Gigi Hadid is sitting next to us eating, like, a bagel sandwich. And we're like, whoa, that's Gigi Hadid. And she's not even eating, like, lettuce. She's eating a bagel sandwich. It's that good.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:08]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:09]:
And then we decide to go back to Bagel Mania, same time, the next day, because it was so good. And we sit right next to Gigi Hadid, doing the same thing at the same time, same place, and we're like, this is a really good bagel spot. Vegas has great food. Yeah, they do great food, but you can't eat that every day. So, again, I couldn't imagine living there. But, wow. Does it have a really good bagel spot?
Leslie Johnston [00:03:33]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:34]:
Think so.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:35]:
Yes.
Christy Speers [00:03:35]:
Yeah, that's so.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:36]:
But I agree with you. I think that's. That's a good unpopular opinion. That's probably very true.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:41]:
Yeah. Yeah, I would think so. Also, we posted this today, but we wanted to talk about what's the deal with the 2016 throwbacks recently.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:51]:
Yeah, I don't.
Leslie Johnston [00:03:53]:
It's really. Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:03:56]:
Chrissy, do you understand what's happening?
Christy Speers [00:03:58]:
I feel like, you know these things when I think about it, because I've been seeing them, and I think that 2016 was, like, a very iconic fashion era. But, like, not in a good way. Yeah. In a tough way where, like, every long sleeve had, like, a hole in the shoulder. Oh. And, like, cut out. Like, giving keys were like. If you have a giving, you were the lamest person ever.
Christy Speers [00:04:22]:
Like, infinity scarves. Like, I just felt like that was like, skinny jeans were at their high place. Like, I would say the last couple of years of fashion have been just kind of like whatever. Like, nothing. That's outrageous.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:34]:
Yeah.
Christy Speers [00:04:35]:
But it felt like 2016 was outrageous and strong. So I like, that's one of the, like, last times fashion was really kind of insane.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:44]:
Morgan.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:45]:
It was so specific.
Leslie Johnston [00:04:46]:
Morgan texted me this morning. She's like, can you send me your 2016 photos? Because I need to post something. And I literally went on 2016, and it was just like, do you ever go to, like, an era and you're like, you're dating someone else at the.
Morgan May Treuil [00:04:59]:
Time, and it's just one build.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:01]:
I was like, I can't choose any of these to send her.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:06]:
I love. Those are different.
Christy Speers [00:05:08]:
I wonder who Morgan was dating, because I was looking at Morgan's photos and.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:11]:
Going, is she dating someone? Honestly, what am I dating?
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:17]:
What did she say?
Leslie Johnston [00:05:18]:
Like, were you dating at that period of time?
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:22]:
Yes, I had a really.
Christy Speers [00:05:24]:
What outfit are you in on this date?
Leslie Johnston [00:05:26]:
What was like, back bend? It was like, you were. I don't. You were like a. A zoo.
Christy Speers [00:05:32]:
Like a circus. Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:33]:
Circus person.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:34]:
Yes.
Christy Speers [00:05:35]:
Okay.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:35]:
A. I was dating someone at the time, and I came across some of the. I came across some of those pictures. After this podcast, I'll tell you who I was dating, and you'll be like, that is. I think you already know. You already know who I'm talking about.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:50]:
Yes.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:51]:
Yep. You already know. Yep.
Leslie Johnston [00:05:54]:
This guy.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:55]:
You already know.
Christy Speers [00:05:56]:
We were strumming a guitar in our hands.
Morgan May Treuil [00:05:59]:
Yes. I was dating somebody. But that picture. That picture is. It was like the heights of my college dance career. And in college dance, you're. It's like a lot of weird dances, and they're not like the minute and 30, you know, cute costume, whatever, high kicks. It's not like that.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:15]:
It's like everyone's trying to make a statement about something political or something. And it's always, like, 20 minute, 20 minutes long. And it involves, like, heavy breathing and weird stuff. Like, like, everyone trying to find them.
Leslie Johnston [00:06:25]:
You're tortured Poets Department era, literally, that was the era.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:30]:
And I had a professor that cast me in this dance. And it was. It was. 2016 was the last. That was Donald Trump. Hillary Clinton, election year, Right?
Leslie Johnston [00:06:40]:
Oh, wow.
Christy Speers [00:06:40]:
I think that's right.
Morgan May Treuil [00:06:42]:
And so the. The dance was. Was literally called Carney Party, and it was like a political satire. We all wore presidential masks and we danced, and it was like a circus of politics. And I was the ringmaster. So for, like, 15 minutes of that dance, I'm literally talking out loud, doing, like, political speeches as, like, a part. It was bizarre. It was absolutely bizarre.
Christy Speers [00:07:06]:
But also, really, how does one attend one of these?
Leslie Johnston [00:07:08]:
I know.
Christy Speers [00:07:09]:
I'm gonna.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:10]:
I'm gonna need a video of this, because actually, Morgan, we should have a night where we watch all of your old dance stuff because I. You're probably actually really good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:18]:
Yeah, but the problem is, is I'm not.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:19]:
The stories you tell, though. I'm like, these sounds so interesting.
Christy Speers [00:07:22]:
I should be live streamed to the. Am I doing this right?
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:25]:
I wish I was one of those girls where, like, you look at archive of dance, you know, dances and stuff, and you're like, wow, you were so flexible. Oh, my gosh. You just flip and like, you're so good. And it just like, it wasn't. It was never like that. Like, it's the kind of videos you pull up and you're like, oh, this is like, hard to watch because you're not that good.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:43]:
But that's like, better.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:44]:
And my family would say that to you too.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:47]:
That's better for all of us to watch that.
Christy Speers [00:07:48]:
Honestly, no one wants to see somebody. You know, we can do it. That would be great.
Leslie Johnston [00:07:53]:
That would be really fun.
Christy Speers [00:07:54]:
That would be awesome.
Morgan May Treuil [00:07:55]:
So we don't know why people are posting from 2016 other than that. It's just like a very specific time. Like, we didn't do this last year.
Christy Speers [00:08:02]:
No, we didn't. It is weird.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:05]:
I know because I was like, oh, Morgan, before this podcast. She's like, what's the deal with that? I was like, well, it's 10 years ago. And she's like, but we didn't do that in 2015. I'm like, oh, you're right. I think it's like.
Christy Speers [00:08:14]:
I think it's just style.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:15]:
It's the style of photography. It's like just. It was just. It was like.
Christy Speers [00:08:20]:
It was like your political dance. It was like everyone was making a statement. Everyone's like, they were statement with our outfit.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:26]:
Oh, I feel like the picture that we posted of Leslie. Those are the skinniest skin engines I've ever seen.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:33]:
Oh, Michael, Michael, text me. He's like, where are your legs?
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:39]:
Like, thank you. That feels good.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:42]:
I was like, why are my legs so skinny in 2016?
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:46]:
I just feel like they are, like, the skinniest. Like, I know that they're jeans, but they do look like leggings.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:53]:
Oh, peeling those things on.
Morgan May Treuil [00:08:54]:
Oh, yeah.
Christy Speers [00:08:55]:
Oh, I had a friend, I don't.
Leslie Johnston [00:08:58]:
Remember who this was, which I wouldn't say if I knew anyways, but they. Their jeans were so tight and so skinny. Now this, now I'm saying this and I'm realizing they probably lied, but they would get into the bathtub and put like in the water and get the skinny jeans on.
Christy Speers [00:09:14]:
That would make it 10 times harder.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:16]:
That would make it harder.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:17]:
Why would they do this?
Leslie Johnston [00:09:18]:
Like, in submerged in water? But now, now that I'm saying this out loud, I'm like, that can't be true. Wait, is it? They definitely said it. Get them on to get them on.
Christy Speers [00:09:28]:
That's crazy. That sounds like.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:29]:
Or off. I don't remember.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:31]:
Well, do you know when you get out of the shower and your legs are still moist and you try to put pants on and.
Christy Speers [00:09:35]:
Yeah, it doesn't work happen.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:36]:
Yeah, it's like, I'm not seeing. Yeah, I don't really know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:39]:
So that seems like it would be. That times, like, 10.
Leslie Johnston [00:09:42]:
It would, like, turn them into a wetsuit is what they basically would do.
Christy Speers [00:09:45]:
Oh, gosh, that's terrible.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:47]:
When your pans come out of the dryer, but they're not 100 dry, do you just send it and wear them?
Leslie Johnston [00:09:52]:
Oh, no, no. Do you? You do.
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:55]:
Yeah, me neither.
Christy Speers [00:09:56]:
You totally do. You do, don't you?
Morgan May Treuil [00:09:58]:
If they're, like, almost dry and all they need is just a couple laps.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:03]:
Like, I can't stand when like, like.
Christy Speers [00:10:06]:
Yeah, like, the pockets are wet or.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:10]:
The bell area or like, something like the thicker parts of the jean. Oh, if that's.
Christy Speers [00:10:14]:
No, I won't even put them away. I'm just like, back in the two.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:16]:
To three business days after that. Let them hang and dry.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:21]:
Two to three business days? Yeah, I don't know. I. It's a convenience thing, but it's probably not good. No one else really does that. Okay, we should get on topic now.
Christy Speers [00:10:31]:
Yeah, that was good.
Morgan May Treuil [00:10:31]:
I'm not sure about 2016, but.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:33]:
Yeah, but we posted anyways, so if you want to go see those, go to our Instagram. Am I doing this right?
Christy Speers [00:10:38]:
Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:10:39]:
Well, we have Christy on today for a really good, really hard conversation, so I'll let Christy share the story. But her and Joey recently miscarried with their first pregnancy, and so that has been a super tough season, obviously, for them and for our family and our friends and everybody that knows and loves you guys. And we never thought you would want to come on the podcast and talk about it, but when you and Joey decided to share about it on Instagram, you got so much feedback and so many people being like, oh, my gosh, thank you for sharing this. That I remember talking to you and being like, if you ever want to, no pressure. And you were like, oh, my gosh, I would love to. So, yeah. So I. I think.
Leslie Johnston [00:11:30]:
Thank you for coming on and sharing this I think it's not easy to share, and you're in the thick of it. Like, I think a lot of times people here on podcasts or hear on, like, people speaking, and it's like, it's easy sometimes to talk about something when you're like, oh, but now I'm on the other side and I have the baby, or if it's a single person and they're like, oh, but I'm married now, so I can talk about that. But you're kind of in the middle of it, which I think people really appreciate. So let's just go back. Why don't you walk us through the story of you guys finding out you're pregnant, kind of how that all came to be, and then leading up to the actual miscarriage.
Christy Speers [00:12:06]:
Well, first, thanks for having me. I. It's definitely, like, a heavy topic, for sure. And so I want to, like, yeah, just recognize that for everyone that's listening and also saying to, like, people who are listening who haven't gone through it, but you're, like, trying to understand more because either you have a friend go through it, or, you know, a relative, or you're wanting to get pregnant someday and you're afraid of it. Like, I think. I hope this conversation gives you a lot of encouragement because there is so much life even in the midst of grief, and we find that through so many different things. And while it is hard, it's also been a season of a lot of gratitude and, like, some things that I did not expect at all to come out of it. And, yeah, like, as Leslie said, like, I'm not pregnant right now.
Christy Speers [00:12:49]:
Like, I'm not. Like, oh, yeah, well, I can do this because I finally have gotten what I wanted, or, like, I'm getting another chance or anything like that. Like, this happened a month ago, so this is super fresh. But it feels really cathartic to share about it, and it felt really cathartic to share about it on Instagram as well. And people have just been so kind, which then kind of helps enable you to be able to talk about it in a way that. Where you just feel supported. So, yeah, I'm. I'm happy to share.
Christy Speers [00:13:14]:
So, yeah, this was. We found out we were pregnant in October, and we were super excited. We kind of had found out we weren't really trying. And so it was like, it happened. And we were, like, shocked at first. Literally, Leslie was there when we found out we were pregnant. Like, we, like, literally, I was like, we are not pregnant. We were supposed to go wine tasting with Some friends the next day.
Christy Speers [00:13:36]:
But I was late and I was like this, I'm never late. And Leslie's like, I think you're pregnant. And I was like, there's no way. Like, I was like, 0% chance we were pregnant.
Leslie Johnston [00:13:45]:
And I walked through the door and Joey's like, cooking dinner. And I'm like. Cause Christy's like, why don't you come over? And I'm gonna take a pregnancy test just in case I walk in the door. And they're both like, we're not pregnant. Like, and I'm like, you're pregnant. I'm like, you are, though Leslie knew.
Christy Speers [00:13:59]:
And it's twin telepathy. Anyways, so we take the test, we find out we're pregnant. We're like in so much shock, but also so excited. Like, this is. This was a season that Joey and I were wanting to walk into. And so we just got super excited and we were feeling great, things were going great. We like went and did an ultrasound at eight weeks. Everything looked perfect.
Christy Speers [00:14:22]:
Like, I was always nervous about miscarriage because my mom had miscarried her first before she had the rest of us. So I always knew it's a possibility. Not that it's like a genetic thing usually, but I always just knew that it's a possibility. And so it's something that's talked about. And so was always nervous. And so we had gone in for an eight week appointment and I was like, oh, I think that, like, I wonder if everything's okay. Like, we haven't even seen the baby yet. And at this time I was actually like, pretty afraid of motherhood.
Christy Speers [00:14:50]:
Like, I feel like I grew up just kind of tomboyish, like, very, like, I don't know, just didn't feel like I had a true, like, mother's instinct inside of me. And so I always kind of wondered, like, am I going to be a good mom? Like, am I going to have that instinct in me? Like, I don't necessarily feel super maternal naturally. And so while I was pregnant, the first eight weeks, I was like, oh, shoot. Like, maybe I don't have that in me. Like, I don't know. So we go to this ultrasound and it was like the instant I saw the heartbeat, which I never knew, like, apparently I didn't listen in health class, but, like, you can actually see the baby's heart beating. Like, you don't just hear it, you.
Leslie Johnston [00:15:28]:
Can see it beating.
Christy Speers [00:15:30]:
And I saw it and I was like, it was like instant love. Instant fall in love. Like, instant. Just like everything's Going to be totally fine. And what was funny is I was like, we were both like, oh, it'd be so sweet to have a boy first. Like, we both were in boy first families. And I was like, a boy seems easy. Like a boy just seems, like, emotionally not as scary and whatever.
Christy Speers [00:15:50]:
And everything that we had found out, it was a girl. And I remember going to that ultrasound appointment and, like, everything was telling as a girl, and I was like, all of a sudden, I just got hit with this, like, extreme love and this extreme peace of, like, oh, my gosh, this, like, girl is just the best. And I just feel so bonded already. Which was cool because I was feeling totally the opposite before that.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:10]:
I was talking you off the ledge.
Christy Speers [00:16:12]:
Before Leslie was talking off the ledge. I was like, I'm not even going to like my baby. Like, I don't know what is going to happen with this.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:18]:
Yes.
Christy Speers [00:16:18]:
And then it was like.
Leslie Johnston [00:16:19]:
Which I think if you're an overthinker listening to this podcast, you're like.
Christy Speers [00:16:21]:
You're like, I understand.
Morgan May Treuil [00:16:23]:
Yes.
Christy Speers [00:16:24]:
And so I just was, like, so in love. And we just got so excited. And so then we had another couple weeks, and I started feeling, like my pregnancy symptoms started to go away. So, like, I wasn't feeling nauseous anymore. Like, I wasn't feeling tired. Like, I wasn't feeling these things. And. And I was, like, concerned at first, which is why I went in for the ultrasound.
Christy Speers [00:16:46]:
But then everything was fine. So I was like, okay, we're good. Like, let's move forward. And it was two weeks later, it was a Sunday, and we were driving to church. And literally that morning, like, every morning on the way to church, Joey and I would, like, watch, like, the week of how old the baby is, because that was like, the baby's quote unquote, like, week birthday or whatever. And so we, like, watch the video, and it's like 10 weeks. They should have these, like, their elbows and, like, whatever and all these things. And which I'm like, if going through this experience, I'm like, wow, babies are babies.
Christy Speers [00:17:16]:
Literally so quick. Like, I'm like, you. That is the life. Like, they have, like, human beings. Yeah. Like, it's just crazy what's developed so quickly. And we were on our way to church and we watched the video, and I'm, like, feeling so good. And then all of a sudden, it was like something hit me.
Christy Speers [00:17:32]:
I felt a little, like, twinge inside of me, like, physically. And it wasn't even that bad, but it was like I had some, like, sixth sense That I knew something was wrong. And we literally, it was like in. I was going from like happy we're watching the video to like so worried. And I was like, I just feel so worried. Like, this is so weird, I don't feel good. And like I'm. It was like a total flip on the way to church and I'm sitting in church and all I can think about is the baby.
Christy Speers [00:18:00]:
And I was like, I just don't feel right. And I. Our friend was supposed to fly into town literally that day for an entire week. And then we were supposed to leave to Canada to go visit Joey's family and tell all of them that we were pregnant. And we had kind of like kept it a secret from the grandparents. It was going to be this whole thing. We were so excited. And our friend was supposed to be visiting that day and he was supposed to fly in in the afternoon.
Christy Speers [00:18:23]:
And I'm sitting here going like, something tells me something's wrong. And I just like, you don't know. And I'm an overthinker so I often think things are wrong and everything's totally fine. So that's not to say if you are pregnant, that you're like, oh, if I feel like something's wrong, something is. But it was like I just felt something. And so we quickly booked an ultrasound which is just so bizarre because I was like, that's so weird. Like two weeks ago we were, everything was fine, but something in me, I was like, okay, let's do it. And so I invited Leslie and my mom and we booked just this walk in ultrasound clinic appointment before he was supposed to fly in.
Christy Speers [00:18:53]:
I was like, this is going to be great. We're going to go in, my mom and sister are going to see the baby, we're going to get some more photos and then we'll go pick up our friend from the airport and have a great week. And we walk into the ultrasound clinic and we like go in there and it kind of already felt like a somber vibe. Like it was just, it was weird. Like I think we were all nervous probably cuz I was giving off a nervous vibe. And so we go in and we do. They like put this stuff on or whatever and they're like searching around for the baby. And the first one that we went to, it was like they found the baby instantly and it was like right there, you could see the heartbeat, it was so like strong.
Christy Speers [00:19:29]:
And then they're like searching around and I'm like, oh no. Like, oh no. She's searching, searching, she's like, quiet for a minute. And she's like, the longest minute of our lives. She's like, oh, I'm just looking. Okay, hold on. But then she stopped talking and I was like, oh no. And she's like, okay, so.
Christy Speers [00:19:49]:
And I just feel so bad for these poor older sound people. I know, but she's like, okay, so you're gonna want to go see your doctor. And I was like, I remember just thinking, this can't be happening. Like, I was like, this, this has to be a dream. This can't be happening. And she like puts a little tissue box next to me and I'm like, oh great, this is the worst.
Morgan May Treuil [00:20:10]:
Oh my gosh. I would have preferred for you not to eat. I'm like, don't do that.
Christy Speers [00:20:15]:
So she puts a tissue box next to me and she's like, yeah, so you want to call your OBGYN or your doctor? And I'm like, I don't have one. Cuz my. I was trying to get into ob. Didn't get one. Whatever. Anyways, it was taking forever. And she's like, okay, you want to go to the ER then? And I'm like, oh my gosh. So literally it was like the worst moment ever.
Christy Speers [00:20:34]:
And I like look over at Joey and Joey's like instantly just like grabs my hand and starts praying and just is like already crying. And I'm like, I'm like sitting there just in so much shock. And that was like the worst moment ever. Like, I feel like I had to kind of deal with that moment later. But it was. So we just like got up and I turn into like fix it mode when I'm in crisis. So I go out and I'm like, okay, let's go to the er. They might be wrong.
Christy Speers [00:21:02]:
Like, I've talked to a million people who. Not a million, but I've heard a lot of stories of people not being able to find the heartbeat. And then they just go in and they find it and the baby's totally fine. Everything goes on to be fine. And so we jump in the car, we go to the er. We like text Joey's family telling them that we're going to the er. We text our friends in our small group just to be praying and we jump over to the er. We like get checked in and they're going to be like, it's going to be six hours.
Christy Speers [00:21:28]:
This is literally going to be a six hour wait. And I'm like, we're literally sitting in this er. This is horrible. And now we're Just going to see some doctor we don't even know. And that was like a stressful few minutes. We were there and my dad came over ripped on over from church. And we're sitting there and he's like, why don't we call that doctor that I met literally, like two months ago. He met an OB at a place two hours away, a city two hours away.
Christy Speers [00:21:54]:
He was speaking at a church and he met this wonderful OB gyn, like, out of nowhere. And he was like. He literally told my dad, because my dad was a loudmouth and told him that I was pregnant, which is fine, but he. I told him that I was pregnant, and he's like, oh, well, if you. You ever have any questions or anything, you just text me. And. Which is so random because we don't know any other. And so then my dad texts him and was like, hey, here's the thing.
Christy Speers [00:22:19]:
This is happening. Like, any chance you could at all help us? And he calls and he's like, my dad gives me the phone and he's like, come to my office right now. I'm just at home watching football. I'll meet you in my office in an hour and we can check out everything and see what's going on. And you don't have to be in the er. And so I was so grateful for that. That was like the biggest, like, God gift ever. And so we, like, jump in the car.
Christy Speers [00:22:44]:
Literally. It's like my parents, Leslie, Joey and I crammed in the back and we, like, rip up to Yuba City and we go in there and it was like, there is something about atmospheres. I'm like, in the er. It felt horrible, so panicky, so stressed. And then it was like, we walk into this office that he had opened just for us. Literally, there was no one's in there. It was so quiet, so peaceful. He was so calm.
Christy Speers [00:23:10]:
And he, like, checked everything out and confirmed that we did miscarry. And it was the worst. It was actually the worst.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:19]:
I remember we.
Christy Speers [00:23:20]:
We left there and he's like, okay, like, you know, gave us some options or whatever of, like, how to move forward, but was able to confirm that we did lose the baby. And then he's like, okay, just like. Like, here's your options. I want to do. The baby didn't have a heartbeat.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:34]:
Yes.
Christy Speers [00:23:35]:
And he's like, here's some options. Whatever, like, medically that stuff that needs to come happen after this. But yeah, like, this did happen. And so we literally, like, drive over to, like, the Habit, like, the burger spot, because everyone hadn't had lunch and we're like, we just drive in there to grab some food. There's certain places that you go that's like.
Leslie Johnston [00:23:57]:
It's like when, you know, when, like, you get, like, food poisoning and you can never have that meal again. I feel like there's certain places that is the habit. You need to choose places intentionally after.
Christy Speers [00:24:07]:
A grief moment because we're not going.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:09]:
To in and out.
Christy Speers [00:24:10]:
We're not going to know.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:11]:
We cannot ruin it. Yeah. And I just have it.
Christy Speers [00:24:15]:
Yes, they already ruined it.
Leslie Johnston [00:24:17]:
So.
Christy Speers [00:24:18]:
And I just remember we were like, all ordering and I'm just like, in a daze. And then I like, walk into the bathroom and I just, like, instantly start bawling and I'm just like, oh, this is the absolute worst. So, yeah, that's kind of what happened in the short end of the first day.
Morgan May Treuil [00:24:34]:
Wow. Yeah. Christy, I'm. I mean, I know we've already said that we've already gotten the chance to, to share this with you, but I'm so sorry and, and getting to hear you recount your story and like, some of the real in. In the moment thoughts. I feel like there's lots of people that are listening to this and just feel so seen and validated. Everything from like, I didn't know I wanted to be a mom to that, or like, I didn't know if I would. I would be a good mom or get excited about a baby to then, like, you instantly fall in love with this little heartbeat and then you know all the different things that you've gone through since then.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:11]:
I know you, you talked about how that moment was the worst and the moments that day were the worst. But do you remember feeling, like, one emotion in particular more than any other emotions or, like, one thing that you just kept, like, wrestling with or feeling more of than anything else? Because I feel like that's something that, like, a lot of people don't. They don't know how to put words to whatever that is. Like that moment right after loss. And also, I wanna, I wanna point out too, for. For this, for miscarrying. I was thinking about this for you. It's like one of the forms of grief that feels the most unseen because everything about the nature of your first trimester is so, like, hidden because you haven't really shared it yet.
Christy Speers [00:25:52]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:25:53]:
And you're not showing yet. Like, everything just feels really low key. Yeah. And that can feel, I'm sure, very bizarre too, as you start to navigate.
Christy Speers [00:26:01]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:01]:
Grief that feels so big to you and yet, like, the nature of your situation feels very, like, almost concealed. Like, what? Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:26:09]:
What.
Morgan May Treuil [00:26:10]:
What were you feeling more of than anything else?
Christy Speers [00:26:12]:
Yeah. I think the predominant emotion from that day felt super helpless. Like, it's like you're losing something. It's slipping out of your fingers as, like, this thing you are just so in love with and you want so bad, and it just is, like, slowly slipping through your fingers, and you, like, there's no way to, like, hold on to it. And I think that was, like. That day felt like that embodies that day for me. It just felt like this thing that I was so in love with, so excited about everything. We're anticipating for our future.
Christy Speers [00:26:40]:
Every month was going to be this. We'd already planned our baby moon. Like, we were, like, all these things. All those things didn't matter, but this life that we had just, like, was a part of our family now was just slipping away, and there was, like, literally nothing you can do about it. And I'm. I'm a fixer. So, like, for me, I'm like, oh, well, let's, like, go get a test. Let's go do this.
Christy Speers [00:26:59]:
Let's go do this. I'll do anything, but you can't do anything. And I think that was, like, the hardest emotion about it. And I think. Absolutely. I think, like, first trimester, things are more hidden. I think we had. We.
Christy Speers [00:27:13]:
We've. We were really open about being pregnant with all of our friends, like, all of our close people. Like, and then we have my dad who was sharing it around. So it really was like, a very wide net of people, basically. Already.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:26]:
Everyone knew. Yes.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:28]:
And we.
Christy Speers [00:27:28]:
We obviously, like, I'm so grateful to be surrounded by a community that really values life and, like, really values pregnancy and really values, like, babies from, like, the instant you find out you're pregnant, like, all of us. I felt like everyone was just as heartbroken as me, which I think it would have been a lot harder if it felt like I hadn't told anybody we were pregnant. And then we were then walking through this alone. That would have been for sure awful. Absolutely awful.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:55]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:27:55]:
Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, it is. Sorry. Go ahead, Leslie.
Leslie Johnston [00:27:59]:
No, you go.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:00]:
No, I was gonna say it is. It is interesting how, like, I think before people get pregnant, you think, it won't really feel like I have a baby until I see a baby. Yeah. And that's very. Maybe everyone's experiences are different.
Christy Speers [00:28:13]:
Yeah, of course.
Morgan May Treuil [00:28:14]:
But it is, like. It is really strange how you find out you're pregnant and then for nine months, you like, there's a baby with you, and your mind goes there. So it's like, the loss is so real. And I loved that you guys shared openly about it. And not everybody has to do this, but I'm just thinking of all of the girls that are low key about it, and then you go through this really horrible loss and you're not surrounded by those people who understand those things, and I just start thinking that's just hard.
Christy Speers [00:28:45]:
Well, and I think everybody deals with it so differently. Like, that's where I'm like, I think every person's experience is so different. Like, for us, we, like, latched on early. Like, Joey, especially was able to latch on, like, so early in, like, a bonding experience. I feel like, for me, it took me a minute, but as soon as I had the ultrasound, I was like, I'm locked in. Like, me and this baby are like this right now. And I think that I'm really grateful we did that. Like, I know.
Christy Speers [00:29:11]:
I think some people probably would think, like, oh, like, that's so sad that you went and, like, got to see and, like, got to experience that and then have that bonding moment, but then, like, to then go on and lose the baby. Like, of course it was harder because we saw and because we heard and those types of things. And yet it was also this, like, moment of, like, actually, like, oh, no, the pain was so worth that, you know, like, that love that was developed. So, yeah, it's funny that you say.
Leslie Johnston [00:29:37]:
That, because I remember when we were first in the ultrasound and we knew there was no heartbeat, I remember thinking like, God, why would you have not done this, like, two weeks ago when, like, it would have been probably, like, heartbreaking, but you guys weren't as attached because you hadn't seen the baby. And, like, yeah, not that you. You can be attached without seeing the baby, but in my mind, my first thought was, like, God, why would.
Christy Speers [00:30:02]:
That's like, cruel.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:03]:
Like, why would you do this two weeks later when so much has been now been attached? But then it was, like, not a thought later, I was like, but I'm so glad, like, for Christy and for Joey to, like, feel. Because this is a life, and it is like, it is a little baby. And to be able to feel like, oh, I. I got to feel that connection. Just like any mom who loses a child doesn't go, man, I just wish I didn't have those, like, weeks I had with them, you know? And so I felt like in those two weeks, God showed you so much of, like, who you could be as A mom?
Christy Speers [00:30:38]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:30:39]:
And so is the instant, like, oh, but I'm grateful for that. Like, actually, I'm not. I'm not upset for Christy in that I'm actually grateful for it. Talk about the next couple days, coming home, because I think there's obviously the impact moments where you're just like, I'm getting hit by this truck, and I'm just kind of holding on for dear life through the first day of finding out. But, like, what would you say was surprising? Surprising in grief ways and surprising in other ways over the next couple days?
Christy Speers [00:31:08]:
Yeah, it was. It was like a bit of a roller coaster. Like, I think that if I would have asked myself, like, oh, losing a baby, or, like, grief in general, like, what does it feel like? I would think that it would naively feel like it's all hard and horrible and terrible, and then you live in that, and then you slowly start to come out, and then it gets better, and then you start experiencing joy down the road. For me, it felt like, at least, I think everyone's different. Everyone's absolutely different. For me, it was much more up, down, up, down, up, down. For me, like, I felt intense sorrow. Intense, like, horrible.
Christy Speers [00:31:48]:
There is no worse feeling than this feeling right now for me in my current experience of life. And I also experienced, like, very intense gratitude and, like, very intense, even some areas of joy that isn't happy joy, but, like, deep joy of, like, wow, what an honor it was to carry this baby for 10 weeks. Like, that was, like, the big, like, the thing I'm most proud of that I've ever done would probably be like, oh, yeah, it would be carrying that baby for 10 weeks. Like, even though that feels so small and incon, like, insignificant, and maybe the eyes of the world, like, that, hands down, felt like the biggest privilege of my life. And it was just this, like, up and down. Like, we came home that day and. And again, everyone operates differently in grief. So this isn't advice for grief.
Christy Speers [00:32:39]:
This is just my own experience. But, like, Joey and I were like, okay, we want to just hit this head on. Like, we don't want to avoid. Like, we don't want to just, like, escape. We were like, let's just, like, go straight into it. And so we came home from the hospital and we were like, okay, let's pull out all the baby stuff. Let's get out everything. I was writing a journal and keeping a journal, writing to the baby, because my mom had done that for me and, like, kind of just wrote to me and she gave it to us.
Christy Speers [00:33:07]:
On our 18th birthday, which was like, the coolest thing ever. So I had started that when I had found out I was pregnant. And so we, like, take out our journals, we take out all of the. We take out our ultrasound, all the photos we were taking. We take it all out, and we're just, like, going through all of it and not going through to get rid of it, but, like, literally just being like, let's just take a moment and actually really sit in this grief and sit into, like, honoring this life and having almost like, our own, just him and I. Like, not memorial service because it was too early for that, but, like, this moment of, like, let's just not run away from this, and let's actually, like, face how hard this is. And we just, like, cried, bawled our eyes out. Like, we both just journaled.
Christy Speers [00:33:48]:
Like, we were, like, just getting, like, everything out. And, like, I remember there was a part of me that was like, ooh. Like, I almost don't want to do this because it would just be so much easier to pretend like, this isn't happening or to go drown myself in, you know, a book or TV or with friends or whatever. But I was like. I think something I've learned about grief is, like, it almost feels like a pit bull. Like, if you try to turn and run away from it, like, it has teeth and it will come and get you. Like, as crazy as that sounds good, it feels like if you try to run away from it, it will find its way to get you and it'll be really painful. Whereas if you actually turn towards it and face it and actually give it the attention it needs, it feels like it softens.
Christy Speers [00:34:29]:
It's still so intense, but you ride the wave, and then it will soften. And I think for me, that's what that. That day and then would go on to be days to continue to feel intense. Like, intense moments, intense periods of grief. But if I would stop and actually pay attention to it and go, like, what am I feeling in this moment? Like, and how can I actually honor what I'm feeling in this moment? I think, like, sometimes in. Thankfully, I feel like I don't. In our, you know, church community and everything like that. I feel like people really honor, like, grief and emotion.
Christy Speers [00:35:03]:
But I think it can be easy as a Christian sometimes to go, like, you just always need to get on the positive side, and you, like, need to find the bright side, and you need to find the thing that's going to, like, help get you through and everything like that, and hold on to this like, one hopeful thing. But I felt like the healthiest thing for us was to go right now. There is not the hopeful thing. Like, right now we know there's hope. We know that this is not the end of the story. But there are moments where you just have to grieve and you just have to go, this sucks. And there is nothing that's going to help this right now. Like, genuinely, like, grief needs to be attended to.
Christy Speers [00:35:37]:
And if you try to pretend like you're happier, pretend like you just let me distract myself with either hope or let me distract myself with something else, it's going to come back with teeth. And if you can address it and move through it. So we did a lot of things. Like, yeah, we like, took time for ourselves. We journaled, we cried. Like, we just let ourselves cry. I didn't. I didn't hold back crying.
Christy Speers [00:35:57]:
Like, I was like, okay, I'm not gonna, like, pull it together. I'm just gonna, like, let myself cry, let myself feel. But then we would also, once we felt like we got it out and you're kind of in that empty space where you're like, okay, it's no longer as intense, but now I just feel empty. That's when we would call a friend. That's when we would have people come over. That's when we would turn on a movie. That's when we would go on a walk. Like, in the times where it felt like we were empty, we were like, okay, we're ready to get filled up by some people again or filled up by some experiences again that feel positive and life giving and sensitive.
Christy Speers [00:36:29]:
And so we had friends come over. Literally that night. We had friends come over. We had family come over. Leslie was there. Leslie was there for basically all of it, which is great. But those like, moments of reprieve just helped. Like, I don't know, like, those were like ointment on, like the hard after wound of being opened.
Christy Speers [00:36:47]:
And it was just so special to have some of those times and really surrounding yourself with people who not necessarily have gone through it. Because most of the people in my life that are my peers, I have some people who've gone through it, but most of my people haven't actually gone through it. And so those people were actually so wonderful. Like, both sides were so wonderful. But most of the people that were like literally sitting with us had not experienced it and yet were able to like, hold a lot of space for us to be able to grieve and ask us questions and not shy away from the conversation about it. And that was so helpful. So if I could describe what, like, the next few days felt like for us, it was a lot of moments of intense grief, letting us feel those things, processing those things, not being shy about being upset, angry, mad, sad, all of those things. But then also, once we hit that, like, low intensity refilling with, like, good things.
Christy Speers [00:37:39]:
Good things for us and for our relationship and for what we were going through.
Leslie Johnston [00:37:43]:
Yeah. What. What would you say were like, the kind of. What were the things that people said or didn't say, or you kind of touched on it a little bit about being there. But was there anything that was really helpful? Like, if you're speaking to maybe somebody who's like, I haven't walked through this, but I have friends who have.
Christy Speers [00:38:05]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:38:05]:
Or I will. I mean, odds are you are going to have a friend walk through this. Yeah. It's like, miscarriage is so common but not talked about. Yeah. What were the things that people said that were actually encouraging?
Christy Speers [00:38:17]:
So I think even more than what was said, I think what people did was the most helpful. So, like, we. When we came home, we had again texted our small group and had been like, hey, we can't find the heartbeat. We're going to the doctor, whatever. And then we texted and said, hey. They confirmed it, whatever. Like, we hadn't even gotten home yet. And, like, our house was filled with, like, flowers, soup, cookies, like, they had gone through and put sticky notes everywhere around our house of, like, encouraging verses, encouraging thoughts, like, encouraging things.
Christy Speers [00:38:50]:
Just like, we love you, we're praying for you. Like, you guys have got this, like, whatever, like, all over our house. And that was, like, one of the best, like, support moments I think I experienced throughout the entire thing. Like, it was people literally showing up for us. They didn't ask, they just did it. And, like, showed up for us in such beautiful ways. And then, like, literally every single day for, like, probably the first, like, week and a half, someone delivered something, dropped something off. Like, was like, hey, I'm bringing something over.
Christy Speers [00:39:23]:
So I'm gonna either choose or you can tell me what you need. Like, stuff like that. Like, I remember the next day we had cried so much. I had this, like, crazy cry migraine. I feel like any girl knows what I'm talking about where you've cried so much that you have a horrible migraine. And I remember even though obviously the baby didn't have a heartbeat and all that, I was still, like, didn't want to take Advil because I was just like, no, you're not supposed to Take an Advil while you're pregnant. Like, I couldn't take it. And so my friend Madison had texted me and was like, I'm bringing over Starbucks or anything you need.
Christy Speers [00:39:54]:
Is there anything else you need? Like, I'm. You can't.
Leslie Johnston [00:39:57]:
You.
Christy Speers [00:39:57]:
She literally said, like, you can't say no. I'm literally coming over. I'm dropping something off. She's like, I don't have to stay. I'm just going to drop something off. And I was like, actually, I have a really bad headache, and I, like, weirdly can't take Advil right now. Like, do you have any? Like, Madison's, like, a total, like, homeopathic nerd. And so she was like, oh, my gosh, yes.
Christy Speers [00:40:14]:
I have, like, all these mineral drops.
Morgan May Treuil [00:40:16]:
Things like this ready to go.
Christy Speers [00:40:18]:
Literally, she brings over a basket of, like, all natural headache remedies, and she just drops it off. She doesn't even come in the door. She drops it off and leaves. And I bring it inside, and I'm like, oh, some of these things are, like, like, literally half used. And I'm like, oh, Madison gave me her stuff. Like, she didn't even just go out and buy it. She, like, literally brought over her own things and dropped it off. And I was like, wow, like, what a beautiful representation of, like, showing up for your people and, like, showing up in ways that help.
Christy Speers [00:40:47]:
And, like, all of that kind of stuff was just really special. Or like, Morgan, like, walking over and she's literally about to have a baby the next day, brings a giant basket of candy, just, like, literally knows exactly, like, just showing up in ways that was so beautiful. So I think, like, the tangible ways of showing up and. And it is just true, like, when you do have the time or the capability or whatever, being able to show up in that way, I think is really, really cool. And as for, like, what people say and did, like, honestly, people just, like, affirming that you lost something was, like, the biggest thing. Like, just people saying, like, I'm so sorry for your loss, like, that was your baby. And, like, I recognize that, like, that was really helpful because, yeah, you do have, like, the occasional people that are, like, I didn't have anyone say to me, but I've heard other people say before, like, oh, well, like, I'm so glad you didn't lose the baby later on, you know, or, like, oh, when it was, like, a real thing, or, you know, stuff like that, or. Or people, you know, just going straight to, like, you're gonna get.
Christy Speers [00:41:45]:
Don't worry, you're gonna get pregnant again. And I'm like, oh, I don't want to just get pregnant again. Like, I want this baby. Like, I want. This is like my baby, and I want this one. So, like, I don't want just to replace the baby, you know?
Morgan May Treuil [00:41:57]:
Yeah.
Christy Speers [00:41:57]:
So I think just affirming that they lost something and just loving them through it. And, like, you don't need to have answers. Like, that is the thing. You're sitting in a place. You're sit. Sitting in a circumstance in a grief hole where it's not answer time. It's just like, this is hard.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:13]:
Yeah.
Christy Speers [00:42:14]:
You know, and that is. That is enough. You don't have to feel like you have to say anything other than just like, I'm so sorry for your loss and like, I love you and I'm here for you. And I loved your baby too. You know, That's, I think, was the most helpful.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:26]:
Yeah, that was the thing that was like. Because both Christy and I, we are fixed. I feel like we're fix it people. Like, and Morgan probably knows this too. Like, anytime even we talk about stuff, I'm like, okay, but how do we fix it?
Christy Speers [00:42:38]:
Like, give me an answer.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:39]:
Because sometimes I want someone. There's times in life when you want somebody to go, I'm going to sit in this grief with you. And then sometimes you want people who.
Christy Speers [00:42:47]:
Are like, you're like, don't make it.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:49]:
No, don't worry.
Christy Speers [00:42:49]:
Like, you're going to be fine. Like, we got.
Leslie Johnston [00:42:51]:
We got a system to get you out of this, and sometimes you need that. But it was funny. It felt like when we found out, it was just this, like, our normal way of going, like, no, no, it's.
Christy Speers [00:43:02]:
Going to be fine.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:03]:
It was like, no, that's not. That's not at all what's needed right now. Yeah, what's needed is to, like, be like, I'm also heartbroken. Like, this is so hard. And like, recognizing that I think also something that's important that I've watched people do with you, just like you said with Madison and all of our friends who just, like, came and brought something, came and did something is. I feel like we should all wipe from our vocabularies when someone's going through grief of, like, let me know if you need anything.
Morgan May Treuil [00:43:33]:
Yeah.
Leslie Johnston [00:43:33]:
No one's ever going to let you know that. Like, just take the step and do it, I feel like, is totally such a cool thing.
Christy Speers [00:43:39]:
Totally.
Morgan May Treuil [00:43:40]:
Yeah. But, yeah, I feel like, too, you touched on a lot of things that I think people are very Scared of when someone they love is walking through something hard. Because your biggest fear is saying the wrong thing. And you're saying it's not about what you say. It's actually or. Or their biggest fear is bringing it up and, like, causing the other person to get more sad when actually you're saying, no, I actually want you to realize that this baby was my baby, and I lost this baby. And that is sad. And you acknowledging that is healing for me.
Christy Speers [00:44:14]:
Absolutely.
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:14]:
It's funny how the things that we actually need in our grief are things that sometimes I think, like our friends or acquaintances or whatever, they're uncomfortable with it, especially if you haven't experienced it, so they don't know what to do with it. And then we end up missing it. It because we're scared to wade into those waters because it's. It's all really unfamiliar. But you saying some of the people that walked with you through this, the best, are people that haven't had this experience before. But I think the thing that you're saying about grief is, like, grief comes in so many different shades that it's not about you understanding this exact shade of grief.
Christy Speers [00:44:49]:
Yeah.
Morgan May Treuil [00:44:49]:
This is about you being a person who knows loss and you're able to, like, show up. And I think that that's like, Leslie, you talking about, like, removing the. If you need something from vocabulary. It's like, I think we're worried about stepping on toes or, like, over inserting ourselves or showing up when we're not welcome. But it's like, that's the stuff that in the end, you look back and you remember and you needed it, that someone chose to show up anyways, even if it was uncomfortable. Yes, all of that's uncomfortable. But that. That's the nature of grief.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:21]:
Right? Like, there's no. There's no version of this story in which everybody's comfortable with all of these conversation topics because they're hard.
Christy Speers [00:45:28]:
Right?
Leslie Johnston [00:45:29]:
All right, you guys, we are actually breaking this episode up into two parts because we have a lot of good things that we want to talk about and that Christie has to share.
Christy Speers [00:45:37]:
And we're long winded.
Leslie Johnston [00:45:38]:
And we are really long winded. So this is the first part of the episode. We hope you enjoyed it and make sure you stay tuned. We are going to dive into all the different ways that Christy has talked.
Morgan May Treuil [00:45:49]:
About.
Leslie Johnston [00:45:51]:
God showing up, what friends can do to be supportive. Just so many good things that I hope everybody listens to. So catch us next week. Monday, we will have part two of this episode.